I am not Writing

"Wah, Mei punya blog?"

Itu adalah komentar orang-orang ketika aku ke gap lagi nulis blog disela-sela waktu istirahatku. Lalu, biasanya tanganku langsung sigap mengklik mouse untuk meminimize halaman blog yang sedang asik ku tulis-tulis (ku ketik-ketik sih lebih tepatnya), selanjutnya aku mengulas cengiran kikuk saja.

Pertanyaan selanjutnya adalah sejenis ini, "Apa nama blog nya?" Yang menuai respon bermacam-macam dari diriku, kadang aku gak mau kasih tahu, kadang aku perlu dipaksa dulu baru ku kasih tahu, atau langsung saja ku kasih tahu tanpa ba bi bu be bo (tapi ini jarang sekali terjadi). Tapi, apa pun respon yang ku berikan pasti selalu disertai rengekan semacam ini, "Ah, jangan dibaca, dong" atau "Jangan ketawain, ya." (Padahal baca aja belom, sih X'D).

Karena rengekan semacam itu pula, teman-temanku tak jarang berkomentar, "Ngapain bikin blog kalau gak mau dibaca orang?", "Bikin di note aja kalau buat sendiri mah", "Diprivate aja blog nya kalau gak mau dibaca orang", dan lain-lain, dan lain-lain. XD XD XD

Tapi, karena komentar-komentar seperti itu aku jadi mengenal diriku sedikit lebih dalam lagi. I've realized that there are two contrast sides inside me. There is the shy one, who don't really want to share my private thought to others and afraid to be teased or something like that. But, there is the one who wants to show off, who wants to be avowed, and who wants to be appreciated.

But, there is another one, the real one who enjoys to speak up my mind a lot and she is the one who knows that actually I am not writing. Let's ask. (NB: I am not a patient with multiple personality disorder, btw. Although, sometimes I think I am the one. X'D).

Aku ingat saat pertama kali aku memutuskan untuk (kembali) membuat blog adalah karena ada banyak sekali suara yang bercengkerama di otakku, ada banyak sekali pikiran-pikiran dan ide-ide yang penting di sela-sela pikiran dan ide yang tidak penting, otakku kadangkala berperan sebagai pabrik kata dan cerita. I don't know if it's just me who has a talkative and unstoppable voice in my mind or everybody has. Tapi, karena ada banyak sekali obrolan yang menurutku layak untuk diabadikan, maka aku mulai membuat blog (lagi). Kalau kata people jaman now mah "dibuang sayang".

I am not Writing, actually I am Speaking

Yeah, I can say that actually I am speaking. I am speaking up my mind. To who? To the future me. Sometimes I write hmm you can call it some reminder to my future self. A reminder how to keep my head up whenever I face any problems, a reminder how to keep smiling and waiting for what tomorrow brings, a reminder to enjoys every little things in life, a reminder that gratitude is not designed for happy moments only, and a reminder to be a better person. Aku gak membuat blog untuk jadi blogger terkenal atau untuk dapat banyak uang atau untuk ikut-ikutan people jaman now. I am blogging for myself and didn't expect that there are some people who wants to read my mumbling mind. LOL I don't have any content for my blog, I just spoils whatever my mind speaks.

I am not Writing, actually I am Learning

I am the one who has poker face all day long before. I am emotionless, I can't express myself very well. Dulu itu kalau sedang kesal aku biasanya teriak-teriak, banting-banting barang, atau bahkan nangis, tapi sama sekali gak kasih alasan kenapa aku kesal karena aku gak tahu caranya. Mungkin akan terdengar lucu bagi sebagian orang, tapi memang begitulah aku. Writing is one of my favorite way to express my feeling, express what I really want to share. I couldn't speak because I am not an extrovert one, sometimes I am to shy to say and I am to afraid about what people would think. And beside that, I am learning how to arrange a better word. Once, I used to dream to be a novelist. XD

I am not Writing, actually I am Trying to Know Myself Better

There are a lot of voices mumbling in my mind all day long and makes me confused sometimes. But, then I am trying to control the voice and find the important one, to see what actually I want. I have a chat with my soul in my me time and that's makes me feel ... what hmm comfortable with myself. And makes me not feel lonely whenever I am alone.

Yah, That's all. Kata temanku yang sempat membaca blog ku, "Si Mei keliatannya diam tapi ternyata dia bawel." LOL.